


Clockwork

by replaydebut



Category: K-pop, SHINee
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, Angst with a Happy Ending, Band Fic, Blow Jobs, Car Sex, Emotional Porn, Hand Jobs, M/M, Makeup Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-18 00:47:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28983618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/replaydebut/pseuds/replaydebut
Summary: “Loving someone so much that you’d give them everything, even if they wouldn’t in return. It inspires me.”Jinki doesn’t know about inspirational, but it’s definitely familiar.//1. things you said at 1 a.m.
Relationships: Kim Jonghyun/Lee Jinki | Onew
Comments: 14
Kudos: 36





	Clockwork

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a drabble based on the prompt in the summary, but it quickly morphed into something else...as usual with my ideas. Thank u to sirius as always for beta reading diligently<3
> 
> I sort of imagined this fic to be set in January 2017, but the song that Jonghyun plays at the beginning wasn't released until the summer of that year, so I hope no one minds this little discrepancy! I just really wanted to include that song.
> 
> Speaking of which, I also made a playlist including all the songs mentioned in the fic, and you can check it out [here!](https://music.apple.com/us/playlist/1-am-fic/pl.u-WabZl5VtWE57al)

  


“We just heard ‘Who Do You Love’ by The Black Skirts. 8097-nim says ‘A song that makes you yearn for that one person. Maybe you’re dating them, or maybe it’s like an unrequited love.’”

Jonghyun sighs into the microphone, and Jinki can picture the exact look on his face. 

“It’s true. It’s a song with a lot of warmth? But there’s still a certain longing. As if what the singer is talking about is only a distant scene in his imagination. Everyone, have you ever had a love like that?”

Jinki hums in answer. He’s driving down the highway without a destination in sight, and Jonghyun is huddled up in the warm broadcasting studio, kilometers away, but Jinki still answers as if he was in the room. Jonghyun makes everyone feel like that—like you’re a part of his immediate world even if you’re not allowed to be.

“I think about it a lot...unrequited love. It’s kind of romantic in itself, don’t you think?”

Jinki turns up the dial on the radio. The volume barely changes, but the gesture feels important. Oddly hopeful. 

“Loving someone so much that you’d give them everything, even if they wouldn’t in return. It inspires me.”

Jinki doesn’t know about inspirational, but it’s definitely familiar. Jonghyun wouldn’t know it if it stared him in the face, as it so often had for many years. If Jinki were in the room he’d say that; that Jonghyun was idealistic almost to a fault, and that for him the reality of romance was never as exciting as the fantasy, as the story.

He can’t blame him for it. He can never find it in himself to blame Jonghyun for anything, but Jinki’s heart still stings a little more every night as he tunes in to the radio broadcast. He tells himself that he does it because he misses Jonghyun, but it’s only half true when a call or text could build a bridge back between them. 1 AM is a vulnerable hour where Jonghyun thrives and Jinki usually rests, so he figures he’s looking for something in the spaces that he never occupies.

There is one such space—the delicate curve of Jonghyun’s neck where his skin is soft and warm and giving—that Jinki has almost known. Another place where he isn’t allowed to be, but where he still took something and failed to give in return. 

More than that he’d been in the hollow of his collarbones, down the slope of his broad chest and planes of his stomach. He’d caught his teeth in the trail of hair leading past the tight stretch of an elastic waistband.

He’d been further still, on his knees with Jonghyun hot on his tongue and down his throat, but it hadn’t felt like anything but pity. Like he’d been begging and finally been fed, before being cast back into the darkness. 

“Next we’ll hear ‘I Wanna Be Your Lover’ by Prince,” Jonghyun’s voice savors the title, but Jinki turns the radio off before the first notes of the song can play.  


  
\---

  


Another night finds him on his bed, with his headphones plugged in and the MBC Radio app pulled up on his phone. Jonghyun is talking about second chances and forgiveness, and Jinki spares only a moment to contemplate the irony.

“I don’t think humans are inherently bad. We hurt each other because we’re flawed, but in the end we’re just looking for connection,” he muses. “But, you don’t have to force yourself to forgive the person if it doesn’t feel right. It’s okay to take your time.”

Jinki’s dragging his feet in other ways, but then maybe Jonghyun is too. It’s less about forgiveness between them, and more about how they’ve always stepped around each other—trying to avoid fucking up a relationship that was already fraught with inherent complications.

He wonders what Jonghyun looks like, as silly as it feels to indulge that thought. He hasn’t seen him in person for three weeks, and for as much as Jonghyun is steady and unchanging, he is equally prone to impulse. Three weeks might as well be a year.

Jinki knows he’s the opposite. Whenever, if ever, Jonghyun comes to call he will be the same as he always has been. He knows at least that much about himself: that he is and will be completely ready to surrender everything for just one more night. Maybe that’s exactly what Jonghyun wants; a passionate dance of a romance where the sex is like fighting and the missed connections are what make it all the more enticing.

He’d write about something like that, sure, but Jinki isn’t convinced he’s chasing that down for real. 

“I think second chances are important. So many people come in and out of our lives, and you may miss a special person’s significance if you throw them away too carelessly,” Jonghyun continues in that gentle, soft tone. 

Jinki feels skinned raw by it, but not nearly as much as he had when Jonghyun’s voice had cracked around _“hyung,_ ” and the smallness of the dorm bedroom had no longer been confining and had instead become a solace. 

“But, I also like the concept of a fleeting encounter. Locking eyes with one person for a brief moment before never seeing them again.”

Jinki smiles. He’s heard that one before. A theme, a story idea, or just a little detail about life that Jonghyun had latched onto which had made its way to Jinki’s ears because Jonghyun just liked to talk and Jinki liked to listen. He’s suddenly struck by the sheer amount he’s probably absorbed.

He wonders if Jonghyun knows that too; that some of his best kept secrets and intimate thoughts are stored in Jinki’s brain forever. 

Truthfully, he shouldn’t think of himself as an exception. Jonghyun is no more an open book than anyone else, even if Jinki liked to think the opposite, and there are certainly more vulnerable parts of him that are hidden safely away where Jinki can’t fumble around.

“Yeji5034-nim says, ‘Sometimes I like to sit in coffee shops and watch the people, imagining that I could fall in love with a random stranger. I think Jjong-d has the same sensibility.’”

Jonghyun chuckles, and Jinki can practically see the wide stretch of his smile and the expressive way it blooms across his face until every feature is occupied with it. 

“Aigoo...Blue Night listeners might know me a little too well. Of course I do that. I even write stories about the couples buying drinks together. I always wonder if they’re going on their first date, or if they’re about to break up and the man is trying to make amends. Sometimes it’s obvious.”

Jonghyun laughs again at the end of his sentence, and although Jinki’s headphones pick up the warmth of the sound, it is nothing like hearing it up against his ear in a secluded bedroom. It’s nothing like tasting it.

“Speaking of break-ups, our next song is ‘Fall’ by Crush. Ahh, I’m too depressing aren’t I? It’s okay to tell me so.”

Jinki shakes his head against the pillow in disagreement. He’d take it all, every emotional side of Jonghyun for the rest of time, but he knows better than to say that. He’s no poet. 

He cuts the song off after the first chorus, heart pounding against his ribs as he unplugs his headphones. The lyrics shouldn’t be so relatable. 

It isn’t the first time that Jonghyun has unknowingly seen too much, but Jinki doesn’t have the strength to sit through his own thoughts filtered back to him along the melody line of a song.  


  
\---

  


It’s Thursday night, coming up on a month since they’ve talked to each other, and Jinki is sitting cross-legged on the living room floor. Minho left to visit his parents for a couple of days, so Jinki had taken the opportunity for a change in scenery. He has Blue Night pulled up on his laptop, and all other sounds fade as he slips his headphones on.

“Dalbit709-nim says ‘Jjong-d sounds sad lately, or maybe just more sentimental than usual?’ Hm, I think you’re right that I’m feeling sentimental. It may be the start of a new year, but the feelings of the old one are still lingering,” Jonghyun says softly. “Everyone, it’s okay if you take time to warm up to the new year. Let’s just do what we want.”

Jinki clicks around on the message board, typing up a user ID. He spells out 영감 with the QWERTY keyboard and adds his birthday: _dudrka1214._ It feels too obvious, but Jonghyun probably won’t even see it.

He’s had a couple of drinks, and the public message board where everyone is an anonymous equal feels so much less daunting than a singular Kakao chatroom. He can’t make himself confront the place where it’s just him and Jonghyun and a span of four weeks since the little ‘1’ had disappeared from the corner of Jinki’s yellow text bubble.

There’s so much he could say.

_jjong-d’s voice is like an angel’s_

_jjong-d has a beautiful smile_

_has jjong-d ever been so in love that it made him sick?_

_jonghyun-ah why am i afraid to call you?_

_jonghyun-ah, what are you wearing? have you eaten? hyung will buy you anything you want_

_kim jonghyun, i love you_

He backspaces on each one until he’s left with nothing but the cursor blinking ominously at him. He’d tuned in early tonight, it’s only 12:30. Jinki shuts the lid of the laptop, and gets his shoes.  


  
\---

  


Driving down backstreets with Jonghyun’s voice as the soundtrack is inevitable by now, and Jinki makes his way aimlessly through unknown neighborhoods until it’s almost 2 AM. The parking garage attendant at MBC blinks blankly as he passes, and he winds his way through the concrete floors until Jonghyun’s bright white, stupidly nice car flashes at him.

He pulls into the spot next to it, and listens to the end of the program.

“Tomorrow too, come and rest.”

Jinki doesn’t know if he’ll need to or not. 

The anticipation is almost too much to bear, and for a moment Jinki wishes he’d just sent his flurry of messages and gone to bed, but soon he hears amicable chatter coming from the door near the elevator. Jonghyun’s laughter is unmistakable. 

The PDs chat with him shortly before exchanging polite goodbyes, their voices dwindling off and echoing through the near-empty garage. Jinki listens to the shuffle of shoes on pavement and Jonghyun’s car keys jangling in his hand. It’s all so loud until it’s not. Jonghyun slows to a stop on the driver’s side.

Jinki rolls down the window.

“Hyung?”

“I came to pick you up,” Jinki says, and winces inwardly.

Jonghyun smiles too tenderly, like he’s humoring him. “I have a car.”

Jinki lets himself look at him before he answers, because they haven’t seen each other in a month and Jonghyun should look different but he doesn’t. There should be something that indicates the passage of time, like wrinkle lines around his eyes or a new shirt. It’s only Jonghyun, in a black hoodie, long coat, and sneakers that are too big for him.

“Have you eaten? Hyung will you buy anything you want.”

“You could call me, you know.”

“You could call me.” Jinki says back. It tastes a little too bitter.

Jonghyun’s eyes soften slightly, and suddenly Jinki is overcome with the feeling that they are both too old. He’s used to feeling that way—has been the eldest for going on ten years—but Jonghyun has shouldered at least half of that burden. Jinki has always struggled to keep up with all his responsibilities. He’s never been the fast-paced type. 

Under harsh flourescent lights that accentuate the dark circles and hollows of his face, Jonghyun looks more human than ever. Maybe even more than when he was naked in Jinki’s bed.

Jonghyun rounds the front of the car and slides into the passenger seat. He doesn’t give a location, but Jinki drives anyway. Silence has never suited Jonghyun well, so Jinki takes the first step to break it.

“You know that night you were talking about unrequited love?” 

Jonghyun laughs. “You’ve been listening to the show.”

Jinki pauses because that wasn’t the point, but Jonghyun has a knack for grasping at the underlying implications of everything. 

“Every night, give or take,” he admits. He takes a deep breath. “I was about to say that it helps me sleep, but that isn’t true.”

“Well, it definitely doesn’t help me sleep,” Jonghyun replies. 

“What would?” 

Jonghyun’s the one who pauses now, and his gaze is so sharp and knowing that Jinki is compelled to turn away. 

“Your hands on me like you mean it,” he says. 

Jinki’s heart rattles like a bird flapping its wings against the bars of a cage. “All you ever have to do is ask for that.”

“Like you mean it, hyung.”

“You don’t even know how much I mean it,” Jinki says in a rush, frantic like the words are trying to escape him. He supposes that they are. “We don’t have to torture each other with this.”

Jonghyun laughs, and Jinki relaxes his hold on the steering wheel just a bit. 

“I tend to do that don’t I?” 

“Not any more than I do,” Jinki replies honestly. 

He hesitates for a moment, but he’s already taken the biggest leaps of faith today, so he figures one more can’t hurt. He lays his palm across Jonghyun’s and squeezes it, warm and solid.

“I wondered, ‘why now?’ I thought, ‘why would he wait all these years just to kiss me now? Now, when we’re almost thirty and I’ve been in love with him for this long, would he finally do it?’” 

Jonghyun begins to ramble, and Jinki tries to follow along but he’s stuck on the words “in love.” 

“Since we were both drinking, I just let myself pretend for the night that it was real.”

“It wasn’t—” Jinki cuts in. “You didn’t have to pretend. I wasn’t pretending anything.” 

Jinki swallows, slows the car down at a red light. It glows across Jonghyun’s skin, heating it up to the color of pure passion, the color that Jinki sees every single time he looks at him. 

“I would have done it sooner if I’d known how you felt. You aren’t as obvious as you think you are sometimes,” Jinki explains.

Jonghyun laughs again, and this time it almost sounds sad. The light turns green. 

“Why does your honesty only ever come out around alcohol?”

He doesn’t know if Jonghyun is referring to then or now, but it doesn’t really matter. Jinki sighs. 

“I’m just like any ordinary man.”

Jonghyun snorts in disbelief, but he squeezes Jinki’s hand. “You can be extraordinary.”

He holds his tongue for a moment, but he might as well just say everything now, now that Jonghyun has called him out. “That’s not true. You’re the extraordinary one.”

“See, that’s the problem,” Jonghyun muses. “You won’t let yourself love me because you don’t think I can love you.” 

Jinki hums, lips drawing in a tight line. He doesn’t know how to respond to something that feels so true.

“I guess I romanticize unrequited love more than I thought,” he admits. 

“Everyone does,” Jonghyun says gently. They’re still holding hands. 

A convenience store comes into view just up the road, and Jonghyun’s eyes follow its neon lights. 

“Will you buy me ramyeon?” he asks. It’s the best thing Jinki’s heard all day. 

“Of course.” 

Jinki slows down and parks the car along the sidewalk one block away. It’s a residential area, and the light from the store bleeds out into darkness further from its entrance. Being a celebrity changed Jinki’s perspective on the boundaries between ‘public’ and ‘private’ long ago. Even one small square of a dimly lit sidewalk feels like the most intimate place in the world.

The icy winter winds have eliminated anyone’s desire to sit outside the storefront in worn-down plastic chairs, and Jinki can’t imagine Jonghyun wants to sit inside the store under possible prying eyes either. Even at nearly 3 AM, there are bound to be some straggling customers. 

“I’ll keep the car running and you can wait here while I run in,” Jinki says.

Jonghyun smiles wryly, and their hands detach for the first time since Jinki made the move. “You don’t even know what kind I want.”

Jinki grins back, because at least he can boast this. “Of course I do. I used to buy it for you every week when we all lived together.”

“What if I like something different now? How would you know?” Jonghyun continues, but Jinki knows he’s losing this one. 

“You don’t change like that. You still wear the same perfume you bought almost ten years ago.”

“I’m sensitive to smells, you know that.”

“Exactly. That’s why I know you want ‘Kokomen.’ Because it’s flavorful but has a mild smell that won’t upset your stomach,” Jinki says, only a little bit smug.

Jonghyun scoffs, always disgruntled at being so easily read. Jinki had learned long ago not to make his catalogued observations of Jonghyun’s habits so obvious, but he couldn’t resist it this time. 

“At least let me hook my phone up so I can choose the music,” he replies, fiddling with the control panel already. 

Jinki hums in agreement and moves to open the car door. As he steps out onto the cold pavement, into the tunnel of the dark sky that lies quiet in the calm of the early morning, the first notes of an Lee Moon-sae song start to drift from his car’s speakers. 

Jinki turns. Jonghyun is looking out the dashboard window with a faraway, pensive expression that Jinki has seen many times. Classic ballads like this are more to Jinki’s taste than Jonghyun’s, and the small smile that twitches at the corner of Jonghyun’s lips feels like one step towards equilibrium.  


  
\---

  


Jinki buys ramyeon for them both, and a bottle of the raisin tea that Jonghyun likes so much. They eat quietly in the insulated warmth of the car, and Jinki’s mind begins to wander. Jonghyun tosses his empty bowl onto the dashboard when he finishes, and begins to tug absentmindedly at his ear, swirling his earrings around in a circle.

That’s another one of Jonghyun’s habits that Jinki has memorized by now, and it’s less a product of being absentminded and more a reaction to being overloaded with thoughts; anxious with nerves. Jinki reaches out to grab his wrist and still his hand. 

He brings it down on the arm rest, and loops their fingers together like before. He takes a shuddering breath. “Wanna come home with me?”

Jonghyun laughs out loud and tilts his head towards Jinki. “My car is still at the broadcast station.”

Jinki nods in understanding, but his eyes have caught on the corner of Jonghyun’s bottom lip, where a fleck of dried green onion is stuck. He leans in and swipes it away without much thought, and Jonghyun’s breath catches. 

Suddenly they’re impossibly close, their arms no longer mediating the space between them.

The warmth of shared body heat is so palpable Jinki can almost taste it. He had made an internal promise to be more forthcoming, but now all he can think about is the filthy and indelicate things he’d like to do to Jonghyun that he can’t bear to say out loud. 

_I want to touch you and love you and fuck you the way you deserve._

“I can drive you back in the morning,” Jinki says instead, trying not to hear how desperate he sounds.

“I won’t let you get rid of me so fast,” Jonghyun replies. His smile turns into a slow smirk.

Jinki ducks his head, blush betraying the tips of his ears. “No, I can’t imagine you will.”

“Kiss me first and then I’ll make up my mind.”

Jinki looks up and takes a slow, steadying breath. It shouldn’t be so terrifying.

He leads into it with his hands, starting by touching the tip of Jonghyun’s ear and tracing the curve of it until he tugs at the lobe. His silver hoop earring shimmers as Jinki lets it go and makes his way along the slope of his neck, then tugs him closer with a press of his thumb to the underside of his jaw. 

He wonders the entire time, _does it feel like I mean it?_

Jonghyun’s lips part and Jinki meets him there. A month ago, he’d awkwardly catapulted himself into Jonghyun’s lap, clumsy as he’d smashed their lips together under the haze of too much chicken and beer. 

He listens now for the quiet sigh slipping out as Jonghyun leans in. He presses closer to cradle him by the back of his head, brushing his thumb along Jonghyun’s cheek and opening his mouth to slide his tongue across his plush bottom lip. 

He sinks into him, breath coming strangled out of his nose as their lips touch over and over, frenzied and obsessive like Jinki’s heart feels pumping against his ribs. 

Jonghyun’s phone is still quietly playing music; a barely audible yet sensual melody curling around their bodies. It sounds like a woman’s voice, and Jinki would probably recognize the song if not for the buzzing of his own arousal in his ears.

Jonghyun hums and deepens the kiss, one thumb pressing into the hollow of Jinki’s throat and the other hand sliding in between the layers of his coat and sweatshirt. He pulls away gently for a moment, tracing his path around Jinki’s mouth with the softest of retreating touches. He makes Jinki wait for an agonizing moment, then presses back in with rampant urgency. 

He repeats the action until Jinki is shaking and gasping when Jonghyun pulls back. Jinki nudges the tip of his nose along the bridge of Jonghyun’s, and slides down until their lips hover in front of each other’s again. Jonghyun smirks and Jinki closes his eyes, catching the grin in bursts of light like the shutter of a camera. 

Jonghyun obliges him this time, sliding his hand back until he’s holding Jinki by the base of the neck, and sucking on his bottom lip to pull him into the kiss. 

As he moves, the puffy material of their coats slide together awkwardly, and Jinki is thoroughly reminded of how inconvenient their positioning is. He wants to lay Jonghyun out with as much space as possible, if only for the purpose of crowding into him so closely that he can’t tell where each of their bodies begin.

He’s too distracted by Jonghyun’s mouth to protest, and it certainly isn’t the first time he can blame his actions, or lack thereof, on that distraction. He kisses so physically, so passionately that it’s like getting singed by the sparks of a fire.

Jinki should have expected that, and maybe he would have, if he’d taken the time to catalogue it last time. If he’d even bothered to slow down and let Jonghyun show him.

When they part this time, Jonghyun sits back. His bottom lip shines wet even in the relative darkness of the car. The streetlamp across the road illuminates him enough that Jinki can see everything he needs to: the faint flushed pink of his cheeks, the way he’s biting into the fullness of that wet bottom lip, and the way he’s shucking himself out of his coat.

“We could always use the back seat,” Jinki suggests as Jonghyun shakes his arm out of his sleeve.

He laughs and tosses his head. “Aren’t we a little old for that? You’ll regret it when you wake up.”

“I won’t regret any of this.”

Jonghyun pauses for a moment, slowly tugging the sleeve of his hoodie up until it reaches his elbow. He smiles, close-lipped with eyes twinkling.

“You don’t even know what I’m going to do.” He looks up at Jinki from under the sweep of his dark hair, and Jinki’s heart lurches into his throat. 

He’s right, Jinki doesn’t know. 

For all the bowls of ramyeon he’s bought, for all the songs he’s heard on the radio and filed away to recommend to Jonghyun later, for all the times he’d sat awake in his bedroom at three in the morning because he heard Jonghyun in the living room pacing and wanted to stay up until he went back to bed— _this_ is uncharted territory.

He only has a glimmer of knowledge of Jonghyun like this, and there can be no predictability.

Jonghyun smiles way too knowingly, and then leans in. He braces one hand on the seat next to Jinki’s hip, and with the other he presses the pad of his thumb against Jinki’s bottom lip. Jinki gasps and opens his mouth immediately. Jonghyun grins and slides his thumb in, pushing it flat across Jinki’s tongue until Jinki closes his mouth and sucks.

His eyelids flutter shut of their own accord, too overwhelmed by the sight of Jonghyun’s eyes shining in the dark. If this is some kind of revenge, Jinki supposes he’s earned it, and he doesn’t have the self-control to object to anything Jonghyun wants. 

When his other palm slides over to cup Jinki’s cock through his sweatpants, Jinki crumbles completely. He moans around Jonghyun’s thumb, hips jerking to match the careful circles that Jonghyun makes with his hand. He’s deliberately slow and deliberately pushing down only enough for Jinki to chase the feeling for a moment before it’s gone. 

Jonghyun comes closer, and presses his lips to the hollow of Jinki’s neck that’s already slick with sweat. He twists his fingers into Jinki’s hair as his thumb slides just a little deeper down the length of his tongue. Jonghyun breathes hot along his skin before kissing his neck, forceful like he’s trying to make a point.

The drag of his teeth come next, and Jinki whimpers at the teasing, at the way he gives him just a taste without biting down for real. Every touch is not even close to enough to satisfy his bone-deep ache—being suspended between two points of arousal with only Jonghyun’s thumb wet and rough between his lips to ground him.

“Hyung…” he mumbles into Jinki’s skin, punctuating it with a long kiss. He’s short of breath when he speaks again. “I think about you every single night.”

Jinki moans then, squirming in his seat for some leverage. Jonghyun tugs the waistbands of his sweatpants and underwear down to bunch around his thighs, then pulls Jinki’s dick out and slides a quick hand down its length. 

He gasps and Jonghyun lets his thumb slip out of his mouth. He rubs it across Jinki’s bottom lip slowly, locking eyes as he starts up the same motion with his other hand, warm and sure around Jinki’s cock.

Jinki squeezes his eyes shut. He’s still unable to hold Jonghyun’s gaze for too long, fearful that he’ll see something vulnerable and honest that Jinki can’t even detect within himself. Jonghyun has always had a knack for that, and he’s already proven it once tonight.

“Should I touch you the same way I touch myself when I think about you?” Jonghyun continues, not letting up for a second, even as he drops his thumb from Jinki’s mouth. His voice is low but teasing, flirtatious. “Or maybe I should just return your favor from last time.”

Jinki laughs in spite of himself, but it’s followed by a choked off moan when Jonghyun starts moving his hand faster. 

“I thought you didn’t wanna have sex in the car?” 

“I think I can manage one blow job,” Jonghyun says, dropping his gaze to the swell of Jinki’s cock passing through the circle of his fingers in sloppy desperation. 

Precum leaks onto his hand and he releases his hold. He locks eyes with Jinki again as he lifts his hand and presses his tongue to the thin webbing of skin between his thumb and forefinger to lick up the mess.

“You can fuck me later in your bed,” he says in between each pass of his tongue. Jinki draws in a sharp breath.

“What happened to your car still being at the station?” he replies, brain refusing to catch up to speed.

“What happened to you driving me back tomorrow?” Jonghyun says, leaning back in his seat and tugging his sneakers off. He tosses them to the floorboard and lies himself out across the center armrest.

Jinki barely has time to think before Jonghyun has crowded into his lap, body heat and the warm, clean spice of his cologne and lotion overwhelming his senses. He grasps Jinki in one hand and settles into position, knees in the passenger seat and socked feet knocking against the door. 

If anyone happened to walk by the dark street they’d get the full view of Jonghyun’s ass in his tight jeans, and the proud arch of his back. They’d get the full view of a lot of other things too, but Jinki can spare only a moment to consider the recklessness of the situation. 

“I never said I wouldn’t,” he manages to get out, hips kicking into the lazy slide of Jonghyun’s hand. He can barely think. “The offer still stands.”

“That’s only after I wake you up to fuck me again, of course,” Jonghyun says low and slow, before trailing his tongue up the side of Jinki’s cock, lips barely touching him.

Jinki groans and throws his head back to hit the seat. Jonghyun smiles against his cock, landing a wet kiss right under the head. Jinki gasps and whimpers, precum spilling out.

“Of course,” he says, breathless, helpless. 

He thinks he must have told him before, must have admitted it accidentally in the drunken heat of the moment a month ago, between slipping Jonghyun’s shirt over his head and kissing his neck. 

“Anything. Anything for you,” he says it now, just in case he did forget. Jonghyun guides the head of Jinki’s cock past his lips. “I should have told you that last time.” 

Jonghyun’s eyelids flutter shut and he goes down on him, gripping Jinki’s thigh with one hand and holding the base of his dick with the other. He hums as he sucks around the head, then slowly slides his tongue lower and takes him deeper.

An embarrassingly needy sound crawls up from Jinki’s throat and he shakes against the knee-jerk reaction to immediately push himself further in. He slides his hands into Jonghyun’s hair in an attempt to bring himself back to Earth.

As soon as Jinki touches him, Jonghyun squirms in the seat and lets out a muffled moan. His feet knock against the door handle and he crowds even closer, groin pressing into the sturdy armrest.

Jinki responds by spreading one hand across the base of Jonghyun’s neck. He drags his thumb along the tattoo there and traces the words like he’s writing them. Jonghyun makes a pleading sound. He grabs Jinki’s sweatshirt to hold himself up.

Jinki brushes the hair away from Jonghyun’s eyes with his other hand, and Jonghyun opens them with a long, languid blink. There’s a thin sheen of sweat glistening on his forehead, and the high points of his cheeks are tinged pink. 

Jonghyun had chastised him for it earlier, but the thought comes to Jinki again. The thought that he shouldn’t be allowed to look at Jonghyun like this—overwhelmed with a pleasure that lays every part of him bare and makes him glow. 

“Shit,” he breathes out, in lieu of anything productive. Jonghyun would have something much more eloquent to say, if only his mouth wasn’t so full.

His eyes twinkle like he knows it too, and he diligently sinks down lower as if to agree. Jinki moans and thrusts up, feeling the wet slide of Jonghyun’s tongue as he presses it firmly against the underside of Jinki’s dick and hollows his cheeks to suck harder. 

He drags his fingers clumsily back through Jonghyun’s hair, tugging on each handful of strands, and then scratching at the center of his head where his hair naturally parts. Jonghyun can’t keep his eyes open through it, soft whine escaping as he melts into Jinki’s lap. 

The inside of his mouth is already so slick and sensitive, but as Jinki starts to make a slow, smooth circle along the crown of Jonghyun’s head with his nails, Jonghyun starts drooling around his cock. 

“Fuck,” Jinki curses again, instinctively chasing the pull of his mouth with a rapid, desperate kick of his hips.

Jonghyun hasn’t lifted his head up once to take a breath—a visceral reminder that he knows exactly what he’s doing, and that Jinki needs to learn it through demonstration. But, it’s more than just a display of how easily he has him at his mercy; just as any of Jonghyun’s efforts to show off always have been.

There’s a plea in there somewhere too, a question that ripples under his skin where his forearm shakes. It’s the need for acknowledgment that threatens to tear him apart if he doesn’t get an answer. But praise is just another thing Jinki can freely give him; that he could shower him in for the rest of time without running out of things to say.

“You’re so good,” Jinki tells him, one hand coming down to trace the lines of Jonghyun’s strong brows. “You’re doing so good.” He swallows, cups Jonghyun’s cheek. 

That’s what he needs to hear, and Jinki has—at the very least—always been able to provide him with what he needs. They’ve both been their own worst enemies in the pursuit of desire, but needs are more clearly defined. 

Jinki figures that’s one good thing his role as a leader has taught him: how to be attentive to everyone else’s needs even at the expense of his own.

Jonghyun breaks the reverie of his thoughts as he moans around him. He lets his mouth go slack and spreads his tongue flat, rubbing it up the length of Jinki’s cock. He’s panting when he reaches the top, eyes shot dark with heat and the barest hint of a challenge. He slowly purses his lips around the tip again, suckling on it with a slow, wet pull. 

They’re staring right at each other, but it feels more like Jonghyun’s making Jinki watch him. 

_This, you see this? You see me? You almost let me go. You almost deprived yourself of this feeling._

Jonghyun opens his mouth wide and loose, and Jinki fists his hand in his hair to hold him in place. Jinki easily guides himself inside and rubs the head of his cock along the pool of spit at the center of Jonghyun’s tongue. Jonghyun’s eyes roll back on a moan, and Jinki presses slowly into the inside of his cheek until it bulges out.

“You feel so good,” he gasps, a full body shudder knocking through him when Jonghyun licks right underneath the head.

The beginnings of his orgasm are flaring up in the pit of his stomach, and with the weight and warmth of the tight quarters and his clothes holding him down Jinki feels ready to burst. He fucks slow into Jonghyun’s mouth, savoring every electric spike of heat that pulses under his skin.

He swallows thickly, huffing with the effort of keeping his movements at a controlled pace, but Jonghyun is greedy. Just when Jinki thinks one more push inside, one more rut of his cock against Jonghyun’s tongue will make him spill over, Jonghyun closes his mouth again and sucks him down. 

“Jjong—” Jinki chokes out in surprise, dick twitching in response to the sudden added pressure.

He gasps and pulls Jonghyun’s hair, hips kicking up as Jonghyun wrings his orgasm out, practically pulling it forward in a crashing wave. He groans deep like the air has been punched out of his lungs.

He comes hard enough that he expects Jonghyun to finally pull away, to take a moment to compose himself enough to swallow, but he doesn’t let up. He hums pleasantly in his throat as he keeps sucking, sliding Jinki’s cock through the wetness of his own cum.

“Jonghyun-ah,” Jinki pleads weakly, barely given a chance to come down from his climax before being worked up into another one. He shakes against the prickly buzz of overstimulation, his brain fogged over with pleasure. “Please.”

Jonghyun finally pulls back, relaxing his mouth until Jinki’s dick slips out. He pants hard in an effort to catch his breath. His lips glisten with his own spit, and his chin is even a little shiny from excess drool. He sits back on his haunches and rubs the back of his hand across his mouth to clean it up.

Jinki rushes to finally get out of his coat, tossing it frantically in the back seat. Jonghyun’s clearly just as overheated, as he tugs his hoodie off and discards it on the floorboard. His t-shirt rides up for a flash of a second, exposing the paler skin of his stomach. 

“Come here,” Jinki says low and quiet as he reaches out to get a hand around Jonghyun’s waist. “Come here.”

It’s a fumbled, ungraceful movement, but Jinki slides the driver’s seat back as far as it will go and hauls Jonghyun up and over the armrest. Jonghyun laughs as he goes, resting his hands behind Jinki’s neck and nestling his knees on either side of Jinki’s thighs. Jinki’s dick is still out, wet and soft in his lap, but he can’t waste anymore time.

“Wait, wait,” Jonghyun teases, pressing a finger to Jinki’s lips. Jinki stills, hovering over the zipper of Jonghyun’s jeans. “I need another kiss.”

He says it like Jinki should’ve realized that already, and then tilts his chin up with two fingers. He goes in gently this time, but as soon as Jinki tastes the memory of his own cum on Jonghyun’s lips he groans and opens his mouth. Jonghyun smiles into it, curling his tongue inside and melting forward until both hands are knotted in Jinki’s hair. 

As Jonghyun crowds in closer, Jinki’s hand brushes against the hardness of his cock aching in his jeans. A muffled moan escapes, and Jonghyun tightens his legs around Jinki’s. Jinki fumbles for a moment, still letting Jonghyun guide their kiss, but he manages to get the zipper undone and a hand down the front of his boxers.

As soon as Jinki touches the bare hot skin of Jonghyun’s cock, Jonghyun falls away and buries his face in the crook of Jinki’s neck. He moans and chases his hand, precum already dripping out of him and making the slide smooth and easy.

“Already worked up just from sucking me off,” Jinki muses.

“What do you expect?” Jonghyun says as he lifts his head and sits back. He balances one hand on Jinki’s shoulder and uses the other to tug his underwear down roughly. 

He leans in again once his cock is all the way out, pressing their sweaty foreheads together and grabbing Jinki’s hair.

“I’ve thought about doing that since I was eighteen years old.” His breath ghosts over Jinki’s lips as he says it.

Jinki makes a soft surprised sound and tightens his hand around him, pulling him closer by the base of his dick. He would apologize, would try to analyze every shared moment of their lives from a new perspective if only he had the concentration to do so. Instead he cups Jonghyun’s face in his hand and brushes their lips together in a soft, chaste kiss. 

Jonghyun mewls into it, and huffs out a strangled breath when Jinki pulls away. A new song is drifting through the speakers, a muffled hum of bass and lush electronic tones that melts around them. Jinki recognizes Maxwell’s voice, and he chuckles at the realization. 

“Is this your sex playlist?” he asks, a smile twitching on his face as Jonghyun’s blush deepens.

“It’s around three hours long, so you better make this last,” he replies defiantly, struggling to keep his eyes open as Jinki starts slowly dragging his hand up his cock.

“Can’t do that,” Jinki says. “I still have to take you home and fuck you, right? Better save some energy.”

Jonghyun moans and curls inward, gripping desperately at Jinki’s hair as he tries to keep from falling forward again. 

“Don’t worry about that,” he breathes out, gaze unwavering. “I’ll always have more to give you.”

“Fuck.”

Jonghyun smirks in reply, matching his thrusts in time with Jinki’s hand. When Jinki squeezes him on a downstroke, Jonghyun crumbles and whines into his neck. Jinki slides his other hand back to hold his head.

“I’m gonna come,” Jonghyun says. 

“I know,” Jinki whispers low in his ear as he strokes his cock faster. Jonghyun shakes and pants into his neck, wet warm tongue licking up Jinki’s sweat. “Hyung’s got you.”

“Oh, shit,” Jonghyun whimpers, voice raising higher. He grips Jinki’s legs tight as his body goes rigid and his dick twitches in Jinki’s palm. He moans and gasps into a quivering mess as his cum shoots out and smears on the front of Jinki’s sweatshirt. 

Jinki pets his hair as Jonghyun goes limp against him, still stroking his cock until every last drop spills out—torturing him into overstimulation the same way Jonghyun had with his mouth.

“There you go,” Jinki whispers in reassurance, not letting up even when Jonghyun bites at his neck in protest.

“Hyung,” he gasps, tugging at Jinki’s hair.

“Thought you always had more to give me?”

Jonghyun whines softly in defeat and drops his hand. His cock jumps in Jinki’s hand again and one last spurt of cum drips out and down his fingers. 

“There, that’s it,” Jinki says in a daze, finally letting Jonghyun go. “So good.”

Jonghyun lifts his head up slowly and sits back. He immediately makes a grab for Jinki’s wrist and brings his fingers to his mouth to suck them in.

He moans as he eats up the excess cum and licks his hand completely clean. The display would seem overdramatic if Jinki didn’t already know how honestly he meant it. He barely has the brain capacity left to respond; to fully comprehend Jonghyun’s blissed out face still giving him one last promise for later. 

Once he finishes he makes a show of swallowing it all, pressing Jinki’s wet fingertips to the hollow of his throat. Jinki’s soft, exposed cock starts to stir again. Jonghyun grins. 

It’s the smile that makes his entire face light up so brightly that it feels almost dangerous to look at him. Jinki was already trying in vain to catch his breath, but now his pulse is thumping so rapidly he wouldn’t be surprised if Jonghyun can hear it.

He brings Jonghyun’s hand up to his lips and slowly kisses each knuckle, trying to imprint every feeling that he’s much too overwhelmed to confront. Jonghyun makes a pleased sound and responds by trailing the edge of his thumb along Jinki’s cheek. 

“I should have called,” Jinki admits, trying for some form of confession. 

“Maybe I should have chased you down so you wouldn’t have had to,” Jonghyun replies, coasting a hand through Jinki’s hair. 

His pants are still bunched up around his thighs, and if he sits back too far his bare ass will bump the horn of the steering wheel and give them away entirely. It’s nearly four in the morning but Jinki is wide awake, drenched in the smell of sweat and cum that he hopes permeates the inside of his car forever. 

“Our situation is pretty unique,” he says. “I don’t think the normal route would have worked out for us.”

Jonghyun’s eyes go soft and a little watery. “Sometimes I fantasize about meeting you in high school, growing up with you and never confessing my feelings,” he says quietly. 

“Then, I imagine that it’s your enlistment day, and I stop by to see you before you leave. In that moment, I’d finally show you my heart. I’d promise to wait for you the same way that I’ve already waited for years.”

Jinki holds his breath, lips trembling. 

“Honestly, I don’t know if that’s more normal than what we have right now,” Jonghyun admits with a breathy laugh.

“What happens when I’m discharged?” Jinki asks, heart pounding. “In the high school fantasy.”

Jonghyun looks caught off guard, blushing a little as he twirls a strand of Jinki’s hair around one of his fingers. “I’ve never gotten that far with it.”

Jinki nods in understanding, and then reaches up to cup Jonghyun’s face and lead him into a fierce kiss. 

He squeezes his eyes shut and presses hard and deep, feeling Jonghyun moan softly and melt into him as Jinki slides his tongue inside. By now, Jonghyun’s mouth is a warm familiar space that already bears the marks of Jinki’s affection. He only hopes he can make him never forget that.

“You have some time to think about it,” Jinki says once he pulls away, mouth wet and breathing ragged.

Jonghyun looks dazed, flushed pink and bright again. 

“I’ll tell you when I know,” he replies.

“And I’ll wait as long as it takes.”

Jonghyun smiles and leans in to kiss his forehead—one small touch that shouldn’t make Jinki feel so exposed, so completely raw and pulled open. He shudders against it, but lifts his face to bask in the feeling; to offer himself up even more.

“Take me home, hyung,” Jonghyun whispers, kisses him there again. 

Jinki will stop at nothing to obey that command. He’ll stop at nothing to make good on the promise he agreed to when Jonghyun had him hanging on the brink.

“Anything for you.”

Not even the beginnings of a freezing snowstorm that starts to fall in a sudden blur of white around them can keep Jinki from speeding ahead. He’s no poet, but winter is Jonghyun’s favorite season after all. 

He imagines for a moment that their union broke the sky open and called forth the snow. Jinki thinks it could serve as some ripe inspiration for a song.

  


  


**Author's Note:**

> '영감' is Jinki's nickname (old man) given to him by Kibum/used by the members. I decided to type it in Hangul since in context I felt it could be confusing if I romanized it.
> 
> Thank you for reading<3 comments & kudos always appreciated!


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